2019 Resolutions

In February this year I published a post about my goals for the coming year, and while there were a few specific goals it all really boiled down to being kinder to myself.

I talked about not beating myself up so much and giving myself time to rest, which became part of my need for a diagnosis around my chronic pain.

Validating what I was feeling enough to go through the process of finding an OBGYN and putting myself out there at risk of not being believed or having my pain trivialised was a huge and necessary step.

Is Social Media Making You Feel Bad About Your Body?

Okay don’t worry, social media isn’t the devil and I’m not about to go all boomer on you but hear me out…

It can be super bad for your mental wellbeing.

I don’t mean the fact that you’re on your phone all of the time (like I said, not going all boomer), but are you spending your time on social media making yourself feel bad?

I was, without even realising it I was following people who made me feel like crap about myself, and in particular my body.

We know that ‘diet culture’ is toxic, and I really hope no one is following anyone promoting appetite suppressant teas or ‘meal replacement’ shakes (spoiler alert – they’re full of laxatives, but what else promotes a toxic relationship with your body?

I’m So Tired (Always)

Chronic pain is exhausting.

Because pain is exhausting, but then when that pain stops you from sleeping, cutting down the hours and quality that you need to function, it ruins any chance your body has for extra rest to recover from that pain your body has been through.

So you wake up tired.

And sore.

While it’s not exactly the same, if you suffer from anxiety attacks it’s like when you have a particularly bad one and then you wake up the next morning feeling like complete trash.

Except it’s a lot of the time.

Three Months Post Endometriosis Operation

Just over three months ago I had surgery.

I feel like a broken record at this point but, in summary, I had a laparoscopy to investigate and excise endometriosis and had a mirena inserted while I was under (for more on that you can check out my surgery and recovery post here).

Since I put up that post, I’ve had my post-op appointment and started in a physiotherapy clinical trial at my hospital.

In my follow up appointment I got to see photos of inside my pelvis from the surgery and where the tissue they removed was, and had it confirmed that it was in fact endometriosis.

Tackling the ‘Endo Bloat’

Left: Relatively recent side on photo of my stomach
Right: My stomach during a recent bad endo flare up, underwear are digging into my stomach halfway up and leggings are covering my underwear.

I feel like I start every post that pertains to my chronic pain like this but hi, my name’s Mal and I have endometriosis.

Along with a delightful cocktail of other life-impinging symptoms, I, like 83% of others with endo, get the pleasure of looking six months pregnant frequently.

For me at least, this bloating is frequent, extreme and painful, which is what sets it apart from being bloated from your period or pasta intake.

Within the endo community we call this bloating ‘endo belly’, and along with fatigue and nausea is one of my most prominent symptoms.

And apart from the pain, you know what this makes really difficult? Pants.